Transcript of a never-before-aired Muppet Show special

If you’re just joining us… Before we went to commercial, we mixed up ½ cup of cornmeal, one egg, a pinch of cayenne, a pinch of salt and a full teaspoon of pepper. Now I’ll quickly beat it, and there we go. We can set that aside for the time being. Where did I put Kermit? Ah, there he is. Notice the way his flesh bounces back when I squeeze his thigh. That’s good. That means he’s been dead for less than an hour. Really, to make this recipe the Louisiana way, you need the freshest frog you can find. If he’s dead any more than an hour, the flesh would already be getting too soft. And don’t think you can just throw the little fella’ in the freezer and save him for later, either. That’ll make the meat stringy and discolored. Imagine what Gonzo’s leg meat would look like? That’s what happens if Kermie here spends a bit too much time in the Frigidaire.

Now, in your right hand, firmly grasp Kermit by the bottom of his bulbous abdomen. With your left hand raise the cleaver up… And if you can see what I’m doing here, I’m aiming for a spot about halfway between his knee…well, Kermit doesn’t have knees. So about three inches above where his knee would be.

Word of warning. Frog bones are surprisingly hard. When I was trying this recipe out yesterday, I managed to convince Robin to help me test things. Now, he is…was just a juvenile frog but I still had to have a couple hacks with the cleaver to get the legs off. But it’s worth it. My daughter could barely wait for ‘em to finish frying before she started nibbling. She’s always loved the Muppets.

So, one swift downward cut. And there you go. I’ll just put Kermit’s head and torso aside for the moment. Actually who am I kidding? I’m making frog’s legs, not frog’s head and torso. So I might as well just throw those right in the garbage. I’ll wrap it in a plastic bag here, though, cuz it gets fragrant pretty fast. Let’s just say he smelled better alive than he will in a day or two.

Now just dip these two legs in the cornmeal/egg mixture. Make sure you cover it completely. And then pop ‘em both in the frying pan. Oh geez, would you look at that. I guess that’s blood. I don’t know, I’m no veterinarian. But my understanding is that if the frog is dead, and then you remove the legs, that shouldn’t…

Well, that plastic bag shouldn’t be wiggling like that. You know, I could’ve sworn the little fella was… Hang on one second. And everyone at home, don’t worry. He was definitely unconscious, if not dead. I’m sure he’s not awake, and there’s no… Frogs don’t feel pain in the same way we do. So..

{Unrecognized voice, muffled: “Hi-ho, [unrecognized word] the Frog is still alive here.”}

Whoa. Um, I’ll just get a mallet, and make sure. I don’t want the little guy suffering, if he is still… Okay, there we go. Good.

Now I’m going to take both legs, they’re already battered up, and I just drop them in the frying pan. I’ll leave them on for a couple minutes ‘til they’re browned on all sides. So this is a good time for a station break.

But coming right up after some commercials, we’ll be giving this a taste. We’re also going to have a couple more guests come by. Miss Piggy and Pepe are both on deck. You’ve heard of bacon-wrapped scallops, but did you know you could do the same thing with King Prawns?
See you in a sec.